Working + Playing + Resting
Hey y’all! The last month was INSANE and I haven’t really sat down to blog in a long time. In the entire month of August, I think I had two days where I wasn’t doing things for one of my three jobs. Before this comes across as incredibly whiney and awful, I love my job. I love the people I work with. I don’t think I can go back to a “normal” job after being here.
BUT as a very introverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiving person it can be incredibly draining to feel like I have to be “on” all the time, and with other people 10 hours a day, 6 days a week. So when I wasn’t at work, I was sleeping. Going from academia where I had a pretty standard sleep routine (even if I stayed up too late every now and again…) to this new job where some days I work 7a-5p, and then the next few days be 5p-3a, and then 10p-8a, I have a hard time sleeping enough to not be a permanently exhausted pigeon!
When I wasn’t sleeping or at work. there was always something else to do. Like cleaning my house (which I didn’t do nearly enough, sorry roommate!) or going to the grocery store or doing little things that helped me feel back to myself (painting, watching my shows, hanging out with friends, sitting outside and being around sunshine, etc.)
So here I am, a third of the way through September, finally feeling caught up on rest and feeling like I want to be back here to my little corner of the internet!
One of the things I want to do more of on here is posting shorter, more in the moment/personal/lifestyle posts. So one of the things on my brain lately is giving myself a break.
I’ve realized over the last few weeks that I need to be better about giving myself a break. I tend to hold myself to a really high standard, and then I feel horrible if I don’t live up to whatever I think I should be able to do. Like when I started my new job, I beat myself up for WEEKS whenever I had to ask a question. I still have re-occurring nightmares that I’ve made a mistake on something at work. Some nights I wake up every hour of the night because I’m afraid I’m going to be late. It’s all a bit ridiculous.
Lately, it’s manifested in me having a tremendous amount of guilt if I spend a day without being very productive, or if I sit on the couch and sleep instead of picking up extra shifts at work. And I know there has to be a better balance between being there for my work folks & being here for myself, but I haven’t figured out an answer or a formula for it.
I know that spending every day doing things that are physically, mentally, or emotionally draining is not good for me. I know that I need the days where I allow myself to sleep with the curtains open so the sun shines on my back and I sleep in its warmth. I need to allow myself to blast music through my house while I use too much paint and make a huge mess. This month I’m going to give myself permission to do the silly things that bring me back to me.